Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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