no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My pussy is not your playground.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
