based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
