When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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