you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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