i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
