i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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