life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
we should paint friendship bongs
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