I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
