2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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