I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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