is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Randomize
