he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
