I'm gonna have a badass scar
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
