Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
