I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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