Duck Duck Cougar?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
