wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
