real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
