my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
