Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
