y did u give ur computer a hand job?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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