if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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