Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
