I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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