I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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