You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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