Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You left your phone here
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