I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
