The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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