my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
