i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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