WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
