sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize