exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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