masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
