Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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