You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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