Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My bed smells like the plague
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
