piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
