4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
