Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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