who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
