it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
