i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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