Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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