so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
