Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
