I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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