I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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