the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
