I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
