you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
