Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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