he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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