I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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