I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
