Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
