I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
