Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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