Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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