I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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