i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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