too bad you live with your parents still
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
