I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
