if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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