I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
