mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
