he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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