my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
