I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
