There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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