I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
