Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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