He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
