I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
